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Sunday, 9 September 2012

Dear Diary

"I just came back from shopping with the girls, and I just happened to bump into that annoying sales assistant again and what did she have to say?… “Oh my skinny friend, how are you doing today?…” Your skinny friend!?! Firstly, I am not her friend. Secondly, how dare she talk to me like that?! I do not understand why this woman must persistently make remarks about how thin I am, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME she sees me.

I can't take this anymore - people constantly providing commentary on my life and how I look.
Well, she won’t be seeing me anywhere near that shop again, because I simply cannot stand her. I just do not know how long this is going to last! I do not know what to do! Am I ever going to grow bigger? Can you believe I am even subjected to shopping in the kiddies section? Come on! The kiddies section at 16?

Why do I have the straight shape of a boy? I want a body with an hour-glass shape. Nice curves; like the one N has. Those curves that get all the boys acting like putty in her hands, she got them swooning all over her like bees on a honeycomb. Why can’t I get that kind of attention? It’s just not fair. I’m in the right crew, tick all the right boxes…so it is all down to this frigging body, and let us not talk about the fact that my nose seems to be on steroids, growing bigger by the day.

I am not asking for much, just to be a bit more plump so that my clothes fit as they should - maybe fuller thighs with the perfect butt - so that I can rock those jeans just lying in my closet; too scared to wear them before more people get a glimpse of just how thin I am. I want to punch something, someone. I am so angry, this just isn’t right and life is not fair!"



As I reflect upon these notes carelessly jotted down so long ago, notes filled with the emotional pain of that period, notes scribbled into a tiny scrap book, nicely hidden underneath the crevices of my bed. I remember that this was my past and just like the diary, my past with its agonising experiences were temporary and short lived.
I must now irrevocably press forward because the prize of living a good and fulfilling life far outweigh living the life of an entry from the dear diary of my past!

Feel free to watch the accompanying blog below:




3 comments:

  1. thanks for telling me about this today just the word i needed,you were really talking to me so much i want to do but the fear of stepping out, i really need to take the but and ifs out of the equation..... hum.
    K.

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  2. That's it! Once we make the quality decision & we act on it: we will see huge changes (then you will wonder why you didn't make that bold step in the first place).
    Don't waste the potential in you :)

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  3. Pst. Olabode Patrick Omisade3 September 2013 at 08:36

    Hi Atoinette, gr8 works u ar doing with this blog, i stumbled at it while on line and i just feel gr8 4 watching this. Procrastination is a paralysis. I have been sincerely indulging in this for a very long time, and the cost has been very high. I can say categorically that FEAR has been one major reason for the deferment of taking bold step to actualize the goals i have. I was able to conquer this after reading many books and listening to tapes and attending seminars on Goal Settings and power of creative thinking and Focus, Determination e.t.c In a nut shell, no one can pass procrastination if there is no information on how to get pass this. Steps out of this is to first Evaluate where you are:- the cost of being in one spot for such a long time like this. 2. Conceptualize the dream:- think of what you want to become. 3 Visualize:- believe in the dream and play the script out in your heart and mind. 4. Get Education on that particular area:- Take bold step to apply the information you have study hard to acquire and apply them strategically, Just work it out. No one can stop anyone from anything, i repeatedly kept saying this to myself and i believe it. Now i have overcome that. Believe is a very strong word, it has a lot to do with our self esteem, if you dont believe in yourself no one will. it's very crucial to getting out of the chain of procrastination.

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